Alternatives for Toilet Paper

Here is your list of your TP alternatives! 

Make note!

1. Tissues
2. Paper towels 
3. Napkins
4. Fast food napkins
5. Baby wipes
6. Washcloths 
7. Leaves(don't grab the poison ivy)
8. Tree bark
9. Pine cones
10. CVS receipts (that's about 4 feet of real estate)
11. All those coloring pages your kids bring home...
12. Socks
13. Junk mail
14. Newspaper
15. High gloss magazine page
16. In your anger of schools closing, use your child's homework. 
17. Temporary tattoos 
18. Tortillas
19. Coffee filters
20. Bidet

In all seriousness just hop in that shower...